We Must All Be Very Kind to Auntie Jessie Noël Coward

(Verse 1)
I remember clearly when I was a tiny little child
My Auntie came to stay with us
Maybe as a family, we were a trifle wild
Our spirits ran away with us
Every single day
When we were at play
Mother used to creep into the nursery and say

(Chorus 1)
We must all be very kind to Auntie Jessie
For she's never been a mother or a wife
You must throw your toys at her
Or make a vulgar noise at her
She hasn't led a very happy life
You must never lock her playfully in the bathroom
Or play tunes on her enameled Spanish comb
Though unpleasant to behold
She's a heart of purest gold
And charity, you know, begins at home

(Verse 2)
Relatives who come to stay are generally inclined
To fray the children's nerves a bit
Something in a maiden aunt just stupefies the mind
From virtue's path one swerves a bit
Though our childish joys
May have made a noise
Mother used to murmur, Though I know boys will be boys