[Intro: Spoken]
Baillie: "Yeah, we're five minutes away"
Sturgeon: "Has, uh, anyone seen my sleeping bag?"
Baillie: "I don't know, did you leave it at the stomping party?"
Sturgeon: "Fuck!"
Baillie: "This says, 'One hundred feet past Chick-fil-A'"
Sturgeon: "Gross..."
Baillie: "There it is"
Sturgeon: "What's this club?"
Both: "Oh..."

[Verse 1]
The tour is booked
Our goose is cooked
This town is looking kind of lean
Do you think they even have a fucking scene?
Is this Arizona or downtown Pomona?
From 2nd Street and Main
All of these places look the goddamn fucking same!

[Pre-Chorus]
The directions say just five more minutes left to go
What do you think the club will be like for tonight's show?
Oh?!

[Chorus]
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall
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