Jack Bauer Man-Crush The Key of Awesome

[Spoken Intro]
The following song takes place between now and two minutes from now
Events occur in real time

[Chorus]
I have a man-crush on Jack Bauer, (Dammit)
A heterosexual man-crush on Jack Bauer, (Dammit)

Some say he's a rebel
Some say he's insane
If you question his methods he'll say
'I don't have time to explain'
He's been tortured, beaten, killed
And then brought back to life
He sometimes has to shoot his friends
And Nina killed his wife, (Dammit)
He sacrificed himself
So we can be free
You never see him eat
And he never needs to pee
He's a likeable fella
And mostly a good guy
But sometimes he has to say things like
'When your daughter is infected
I'm gonna make you watch her die'