Christmas in Jail Jonathan Coulton (Ft. John Roderick)

Old Daddy can't be there for Christmas
I'm sure your Momma told you things
Well first, she never understood me
But I don't want to talk about that now

Now, Daddy hates to be away from you at Christmas
But don't you worry, I'm doing fine inside
I made you a toothpick Eiffel Tower
I got three squares and I'm making a kinda wine

This punishment is cruel and unusual
Well I did my best, but the system said I failed
Don't lie awake and wonder whether Santa visits me
There's even Christmas in jail

Well I had a stack of presents for you, darlin'
Though the sheriff took them down to Evidence
Now, I don't want to put this burden on you
Would you have your mother bring me cigarettes?

You know you're always first in my affection
With good behavior, I'll be out in two
As far as all that money that went missing
Well it's not for your mother, it's for you (minus expenses)

This punishment is cruel and unusual
Well I did my best, but the system said I failed
Don't lie awake and wonder whether Santa visits me
There's even Christmas in jail