Murder Ballad Worriers

We kissed on the carpet
Half-asleep
If I buy you a couple shots
Do you give half-off to me?

The only guy I ever told
Offered to beat him up
But what good would that do?
I bet he's pretty good at getting back up

So I killed him instead
With a baseball bat under my bed
You won't see him again
It's not a problem unless you say somethin'

Porch smelled like givin' up
The van tasted like cigarettes
I called home from a curb and then
Acted like we just went swimmin'

But I killed him instead
With a baseball bat under my bed
You won't see him again
It's not a problem unless you say somethin'
I'm never goin' back to Texarkana