Ravens Mount Eerie

In October 2015 I was out in the yard
I'd just finished splitting up the scrap two-by-fours into kindling
I glanced up at the half moon, pink, chill refinery cloud light
Two big black birds flew over, their wings whooshing and low
Two ravens
(But only two)
Their black feathers tinted in the sunset
I knew these birds were omens but of what I wasn't sure
They were flying out toward the island where we hoped to move
You were probably inside
You were probably aching, wanting not to die
Your body transformed
I couldn't bear to look so I turned my head west
Like an early death
Now I can only see you on the fridge in lifeless pictures
And in every dream I have at night
And in every room I walk into like
Here, where I sit the next October, still seeing your eyes, pleading and afraid
Full of love
Calling out from another place
Because you're not here
I watched you die in this room, then I gave your clothes away
I'm sorry, I had to
And now I'll move
I will move with our daughter
We will ride over water
With your ghost underneath the boat
What was you is now burnt bones
And I cannot be at home
I'm running, grief flailing