The Ballad of Cactus Pete and Lefty Ray Stevens

This is the ballad of Cactus Pete
He spent his life out in the desert heat
In Arizona and New Mexico
Searchin' for the motherlode

He had no friends, he had no family
Just a pet sidewinder that he called Lefty
They shared a run-down minin' shack
Out with the coyotes and horny toads

Hehehe, yeah just look at I'm all coiled up o'er there
I'll never forget the first time I saw 'im
He's just a-sneakin' up on a little toady frog
Settle down, settle down, ain't no toady frogs, I'm just tellin' 'bout you sneakin' up on one
He loves them little toady frogs
Lord, I couldn't live like 'at
You shoulda seen him when I first found him
He had real bad teeth
Yeah, just had two little bicuspids there in front, lord what a gap
Made Leon Sphinx look like Burt Lancaster
Took him to the orthodondist
Yeah, we tried braces, that didn't last too long
Heck, I got tired of mashin' up them little toady frogs for 'im
So we just had 'em capped
Yeah, he'd have to have 'em filled anyway, they both had big cavities in 'em
Oh, but just look at that smile on 'im over 'ere now, though