At the point of no return. 4ria

[Verse 1]
When darkness starts to give way to a sunrise and I'm wide awake
I try make some sense of the feeling, peeling desire away
I'm tired of days with too little sunshine and too much shade, I may
Aspire for a messiah, higher up on the hill, I lay
Border on the edge of artist and jester, still carrying carnage
Careful, I'm burying stars I shot, just a scary glimpse
With a fit that is all white, but Aria's not Aryan
All these thoughts I'm airing out, can't catch my breath
I'm staring out the window of this half way house
I'm half way down my downward spiral like my idols
This path may excite all of my rivals
Till they're victims of my visions that I stifled with these rhythms
Cycles of my sick condition recycles this shit depression
I'm psycho, no second guessing with this slight discretion
I've invested years and months to dream this up with a new bright expression
This scene is fucked
This mic is strengthened by inflections kept in the confines of my mind
I can't find a semblance of a sense of any meaning
Skeptical, but since I'm leaning towards hope
I've been misreading horoscopes I've been receiving
Just to cope and keep on dreaming, too deep, I'm sick of being horrid
Fuck a moral code and any of my inner feelings
I've considered leaving just to ghost you, seeming bored, still sick
Revealing stored up bitterness and lack of healing
Any willing participant will dismiss this veiling that I'm hailing as expired
Sing me to sleep like a canary, I'm far from tired