Deceives the Eye Madness

In the earliest days of my shop-lifting career
You could safely say I was filled with fear
It was nail-biting work from the very start
But several quick successes soon gave me heart

After a while I could pick and nick with ease
Some shirts, some trousers and a few LP's
No one ever stopped me, they didn't seem to care
It sometimes seemed to me, there was no one there

Then a fine summers day my mate Ted and me
Set off down the West End on our usual spree
Things were as normal for an hour or so
Then my nimble hands were a bit too slow

Two store-detectives made a fast approach
One grabbed my jacket, (you're nicked, haha!) the other grabbed my throat
"So we caught you at last", one said with joy
"Been after you some time, my light-fingered boy"

If only I'd remembered my common sense
They captured me red-handed with evidence
If I go to the manager and say I'm sorry
Maybe he'll forgive me for my youthful folly

"But - but what will the social worker say
If - if I don't come home today?
He'll gimme a clout
What if they don't let me out?
I - I told 'em I'm on me own
Don't they understand I'm from a broken home?"