Hello (Happy Little Africans) Tim Minchin

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[Tim Minchin]
Hello, welcome to our show
I'm glad that you could come
We're gonna have a hoot
We're gonna have some fun
Sit back, put your feet up and relax
I hope you've had a drink or three
The more you've drunk, the better we will be

And if you have a mobile phone, please turn it off... thank you
And if you have Tourette's syndrome, just do whatever it is you people do
And if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy
Maybe you should chuff off home
Cos it's only gonna gеt worse
Only gonna get worse
Only gonna gеt worse from now on
(Bugger, nipples, shit, Mohammed)

Hey my name is Tim
I write funny songs and sing
I'm here to start the show off with a bang
Pete Helliar's MC
But when it came to the opening, they turned to me
Cos this is what would happen if Pete sang:

[Pete Helliar]
Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive
Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive
(It was the Bee Gees. You know that?)