Fred Zager and Evans

On a white enamled road
They pulled him from his mother's womb
Hanging from his heels he cried
And everyone put on their smiles
Ugly red, and dripping wet
They put him in a bassinet
Tiny toes and fingernails
His daddy said "He'll go to Yale,"
Such was the first day for Fred

When he reached the age of nine
He killed a frog with a kitchen knife
He broke the wing of a noble bird
He took a jagged rock, his sling-shot hurled

When he reached ten
He stole the neighbor's guinea hen
Wrapped its beak in masking tape
It starved to death in thirteen days
Such was the tenth year of Fred

When Fred was sweet sixteen
He robbed the neighborhood Dairy Queen
He drove away in his daddy's car
— He didn't get far
The local buzz hauled him away
He went to trial the very next day
Found guilty, the sixteenth year for Fred