Two Gentlemen of Verona Act 4 Scene 4 William Shakespeare

                                        SCENE IV. The same.

      Enter LAUNCE, with his his Dog

LAUNCE
      When a man's servant shall play the cur with him,
      look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a
      puppy; one that I saved from drowning, when three or
      four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it.
      I have taught him, even as one would say precisely,
      'thus I would teach a dog.' I was sent to deliver
      him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master;
      and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he
      steps me to her trencher and steals her capon's leg:
      O, 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself
      in all companies! I would have, as one should say,
      one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be,
      as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had
      more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did,
      I think verily he had been hanged for't; sure as I
      live, he had suffered for't; you shall judge. He
      thrusts me himself into the company of three or four
      gentlemanlike dogs under the duke's table: he had
      not been there--bless the mark!--a pissing while, but
      all the chamber smelt him. 'Out with the dog!' says
      one: What cur is that?' says another: 'Whip him
      out' says the third: 'Hang him up' says the duke.
      I, having been acquainted with the smell before,
      knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that
      whips the dogs: 'Friend,' quoth I, 'you mean to whip
      the dog?' 'Ay, marry, do I,' quoth he. 'You do him
      the more wrong,' quoth I; ''twas I did the thing you
      wot of.' He makes me no more ado, but whips me out
      of the chamber. How many masters would do this for
      his servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the
      stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had
      been executed; I have stood on the pillory for geese
      he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't.
      Thou thinkest not of this now. Nay, I remember the
      trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam
      Silvia: did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I
      do? when didst thou see me heave up my leg and make
      water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst
      thou ever see me do such a trick?