“When you step in the ring, your arms are just too short to box with God” CM Punk (Ft. Dwayne Johnson)
CM Punk: "The time has come to tell you all something very personal. I keep my ear to the ground and I hear everything everybody says. And for the past year and a half the words 'pipe bomb' have been completely misunderstood and misused. It doesn't seem anybody in the Universe understands what it means; anybody in this company doesn't understand what a pipe bomb is. Basically what a pipe bomb is in its truest form is the truth. It's honesty. You boil it down and then the essence of a pipe bomb is exactly what all of you lack, honesty. Seems the perception of me is somebody who is a little disgruntled and sat down on a stage in Las Vegas and aired his grievances and said 'pipe bomb'. I became the voice of the voiceless. And then maybe my ego was like a runaway train and I suddenly bitched and moaned and complained about respect and how I didn't get enough of it. And then I turned my back on the people.
Well, that's a lie. Don't be mistaken. I meant everything I said when I said it. Except the part about ice cream 'cause I look out here and the last thing any of you people need is more bars of ice cream. But I was shortchanged and I was disrespected, and sure, I could have just swallowed that bitter pill and accepted my position in the company like everybody else in the back, or I could have left. Instead I made a conscious decision and I sold out. To you. To you I sold out, to me I cashed in. See, I created this persona, this rebel, this anti hero that you all love to cheer for because I knew that you all love to cheer for your superheroes. Because here is the truth about Las Vegas, here is the truth about the WWE is that it doesn't matter that if you're the best wrestler, it doesn't matter if you're the best talker, it doesn't matter if you're the best overall performer, it doesn't matter if you make the two clowns sitting to my left on commentary look like amateur hour. There is a glass ceiling and nobody is allowed to break it. That's the simple story of this place. The more popular you are, the more money you make. The more you people cheer for any given superstar, the more opportunities you're afforded. Why do you think a guy like John Cena, who has admittedly had the worst year of his career, gets title shot after title shot after title shot after title shot? Or why a lethal grappler, why a serious submission specialist like Daniel Bryan puts a smile on his face and settles himself, belittles himself with catchphrases. Or why a 400 pound monster, Brodus Clay, soils his hands by touching your filthy, ugly, little children to get in the ring so he can shuck and jive for you. Or why an invisible child, Little Jimmy, is better positioned on the flagship show Monday Night RAW than a workhorse like Tyson Kidd.
Look at them, they're doing it now. You're doing it now! You're falling for everything I say, you're playing into my hands, but this is the way it is and this is the way you want it because this is the way you handle it. It's easy, it's [???], it's simple to digest because you people can't handle anything complicated, you people can't stomach anything interesting. This is the way it's been since the beginning of the time. We're all here in the circus to entertain you. And nobody's ever been able to attain a modicum of success without you.
Except for now. Until I showed up. I've become the most successful WWE champion of all time. Not of the modern era. No, that's another little buzzword that somebody backstage wants you to say. They probably wanna put it on a t-shirt. But that's the way you get noticed. You don't get noticed until you start to move a couple of t-shirts around here. If I— if I competed in Bruno Sammartino's era, I'd have been champion for 20 years, too. No, I'd have been champion for 30 years. Because wrestling one night a month at Madison Square Garden is easy. You never see a Hulk Hogan wrestle TLC matches against a superstar like Ryback. Because he had it easy. I wrestle physically demanding matches on free television, week in and week out. So much that my one year equals 30 of theirs. And I have attained this success, not— not because of you. I am successful not because of you. I am successful in sprite of you.
Now, I'm the most honest man in this building, I'm the most honest man in this company 'cause everybody else has got the same, old, tired crybaby story. They'll come out here and they'll say 'I do it for the people, I do it for all of you. Let's hear it for Tampa, Florida!' Here's some honesty. I watched Roddy Piper smash a coconut over Jimmy Snuka's head and I sure as hell didn't say 'Golly Gee! I can't wait to go electrify the people of Tampa Bay, Florida.' No! Because I don't care about the people of Tampa Bay, Florida.
There's good guys and there's bad guys in this world and make no mistake about it, ladies and gentlemen, I am a bad, bad man and I can freely admit it. But Ric Flair will come out here and he'll cry his 182 year eyes out and say 'Oh, I did it for all of you'. ["Wooo!"] Now they're wooing. Shawn Michaels can come out here and lose his smile and find his smile, but then in a— in a tearful Hall of Fame speech he'll say that his entire career was just to gain your acceptance. Then a man like Edge is forced to retire and he'll say that he misses competing for people like you. Now, these people, these men are either weak or they're dishonest and they're liars. It's either one or the other. But I— I'm neither weak nor dishonest. I'm the best in the world.
Two types of people on this earth. Those born to be in the spotlight and those born to pay to see the people in the spotlight. Ladies and gentlemen, there's winner and losers. Guess which one you are. You're born to pay to see champions like me, it's not the other way round. And I'll be the first guy to come out here and admit it, I'm honest. I have never ever done this for any of you. There's superstars and there's nobodies. I am a superstar, you are all nobodies. And I'm a real superstar. Those real superstars, hell, if they're your friends, why don't they come out here and give you the millions and millions of dollars they earn? Why don't they lie in your pockets? 'Cause that's— that's not your position on earth.
Uh, I'm being told that we have to take a commercial break. I'm not done, let me explain something to you. Let me explain something to everybody in the truck. We don't go to break when you wanna go to break. We go to break when the champ wants to go to break. Listen up and understand something 'cause the Rock's gonna come out here and he's gonna talk a whole lot. Well, I will now tell you the most important thing you're gonna hear tonight. You do not matter, you do not matter, you do not matter. None of you matter. What you want doesn't matter.
I stand here on the first RAW of 2013, your WWE champion and I promise you, in one year's time I will stand in this ring on the first RAW of 2014 still your WWE champion. What fuels me is your constant disappointment in your self-appointed superheroes to be able to drag this title away from me. And now the Rock has come back, but it's not gonna change the fact that I'm the WWE champion and I'm not gonna let the Rock tear down everything that I've fought so hard to attain. No, no, no, no, not at all. You know, in 2011 when I defeated Alberto Del Rio for this title at Madison Square Garden, I didn't just beat Alberto Del Rio. I beat the system. And every time after that when I beat one of your superheroes, and I don't care if it was John Cena, Ryback, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, any of the ??? superstars that I've defeated, I wasn't just beating them, I was beating all of you. And for 414 days that's exactly what I've done. In your face, jerks. I have beaten you. I have stomped you out under my oppressive boot and I'm gonna do the same thing to the Rock because I don't care if he's back. You all do not get to win. You are losers. You do not get to win. You do not—"
[The Rock's music is played as he makes his way to the ring.]
The Rock: "The Rock had to hear it all. The Rock wanted to wait until you said everything you had to say, so the Rock knew exactly the kind of man he's dealing with at the Royal Rumble. And now it's become crystal clear to the Rock. You are straight up delusional. You keep mentioning that number 414. 414 days you've been WWE champion. That's incredible, incredible. The real number, it ain't 414, Jack. The real number that haunts your dreams is 20. 20 excuses running around your mind right now. 20 hairs standing up on your straight edge scrotum. Because you know— you know in 20 days you're gonna be defending that WWE championship against the Rock which means in 20 days you know, the Rock knows, they know, in 20 days time's up.
["Rocky! Rocky!"]
You wanted change, you wanted a revolution. You say that when you became WWE champion, you rejected the people. No, no, no, no. The people rejected you. You talked about change. You couldn't do it. You talked about revolution, you couldn't do it. You came out and you promised everybody ice cream bars. Ice cream bars for everybody! And you couldn't even do that. You couldn't provide ice cream if the Dairy Queen car fell and Cookie Puss drove an ice cream truck straight up your ass.
Well, that's a lie. Don't be mistaken. I meant everything I said when I said it. Except the part about ice cream 'cause I look out here and the last thing any of you people need is more bars of ice cream. But I was shortchanged and I was disrespected, and sure, I could have just swallowed that bitter pill and accepted my position in the company like everybody else in the back, or I could have left. Instead I made a conscious decision and I sold out. To you. To you I sold out, to me I cashed in. See, I created this persona, this rebel, this anti hero that you all love to cheer for because I knew that you all love to cheer for your superheroes. Because here is the truth about Las Vegas, here is the truth about the WWE is that it doesn't matter that if you're the best wrestler, it doesn't matter if you're the best talker, it doesn't matter if you're the best overall performer, it doesn't matter if you make the two clowns sitting to my left on commentary look like amateur hour. There is a glass ceiling and nobody is allowed to break it. That's the simple story of this place. The more popular you are, the more money you make. The more you people cheer for any given superstar, the more opportunities you're afforded. Why do you think a guy like John Cena, who has admittedly had the worst year of his career, gets title shot after title shot after title shot after title shot? Or why a lethal grappler, why a serious submission specialist like Daniel Bryan puts a smile on his face and settles himself, belittles himself with catchphrases. Or why a 400 pound monster, Brodus Clay, soils his hands by touching your filthy, ugly, little children to get in the ring so he can shuck and jive for you. Or why an invisible child, Little Jimmy, is better positioned on the flagship show Monday Night RAW than a workhorse like Tyson Kidd.
Look at them, they're doing it now. You're doing it now! You're falling for everything I say, you're playing into my hands, but this is the way it is and this is the way you want it because this is the way you handle it. It's easy, it's [???], it's simple to digest because you people can't handle anything complicated, you people can't stomach anything interesting. This is the way it's been since the beginning of the time. We're all here in the circus to entertain you. And nobody's ever been able to attain a modicum of success without you.
Except for now. Until I showed up. I've become the most successful WWE champion of all time. Not of the modern era. No, that's another little buzzword that somebody backstage wants you to say. They probably wanna put it on a t-shirt. But that's the way you get noticed. You don't get noticed until you start to move a couple of t-shirts around here. If I— if I competed in Bruno Sammartino's era, I'd have been champion for 20 years, too. No, I'd have been champion for 30 years. Because wrestling one night a month at Madison Square Garden is easy. You never see a Hulk Hogan wrestle TLC matches against a superstar like Ryback. Because he had it easy. I wrestle physically demanding matches on free television, week in and week out. So much that my one year equals 30 of theirs. And I have attained this success, not— not because of you. I am successful not because of you. I am successful in sprite of you.
Now, I'm the most honest man in this building, I'm the most honest man in this company 'cause everybody else has got the same, old, tired crybaby story. They'll come out here and they'll say 'I do it for the people, I do it for all of you. Let's hear it for Tampa, Florida!' Here's some honesty. I watched Roddy Piper smash a coconut over Jimmy Snuka's head and I sure as hell didn't say 'Golly Gee! I can't wait to go electrify the people of Tampa Bay, Florida.' No! Because I don't care about the people of Tampa Bay, Florida.
There's good guys and there's bad guys in this world and make no mistake about it, ladies and gentlemen, I am a bad, bad man and I can freely admit it. But Ric Flair will come out here and he'll cry his 182 year eyes out and say 'Oh, I did it for all of you'. ["Wooo!"] Now they're wooing. Shawn Michaels can come out here and lose his smile and find his smile, but then in a— in a tearful Hall of Fame speech he'll say that his entire career was just to gain your acceptance. Then a man like Edge is forced to retire and he'll say that he misses competing for people like you. Now, these people, these men are either weak or they're dishonest and they're liars. It's either one or the other. But I— I'm neither weak nor dishonest. I'm the best in the world.
Two types of people on this earth. Those born to be in the spotlight and those born to pay to see the people in the spotlight. Ladies and gentlemen, there's winner and losers. Guess which one you are. You're born to pay to see champions like me, it's not the other way round. And I'll be the first guy to come out here and admit it, I'm honest. I have never ever done this for any of you. There's superstars and there's nobodies. I am a superstar, you are all nobodies. And I'm a real superstar. Those real superstars, hell, if they're your friends, why don't they come out here and give you the millions and millions of dollars they earn? Why don't they lie in your pockets? 'Cause that's— that's not your position on earth.
Uh, I'm being told that we have to take a commercial break. I'm not done, let me explain something to you. Let me explain something to everybody in the truck. We don't go to break when you wanna go to break. We go to break when the champ wants to go to break. Listen up and understand something 'cause the Rock's gonna come out here and he's gonna talk a whole lot. Well, I will now tell you the most important thing you're gonna hear tonight. You do not matter, you do not matter, you do not matter. None of you matter. What you want doesn't matter.
I stand here on the first RAW of 2013, your WWE champion and I promise you, in one year's time I will stand in this ring on the first RAW of 2014 still your WWE champion. What fuels me is your constant disappointment in your self-appointed superheroes to be able to drag this title away from me. And now the Rock has come back, but it's not gonna change the fact that I'm the WWE champion and I'm not gonna let the Rock tear down everything that I've fought so hard to attain. No, no, no, no, not at all. You know, in 2011 when I defeated Alberto Del Rio for this title at Madison Square Garden, I didn't just beat Alberto Del Rio. I beat the system. And every time after that when I beat one of your superheroes, and I don't care if it was John Cena, Ryback, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, any of the ??? superstars that I've defeated, I wasn't just beating them, I was beating all of you. And for 414 days that's exactly what I've done. In your face, jerks. I have beaten you. I have stomped you out under my oppressive boot and I'm gonna do the same thing to the Rock because I don't care if he's back. You all do not get to win. You are losers. You do not get to win. You do not—"
[The Rock's music is played as he makes his way to the ring.]
The Rock: "The Rock had to hear it all. The Rock wanted to wait until you said everything you had to say, so the Rock knew exactly the kind of man he's dealing with at the Royal Rumble. And now it's become crystal clear to the Rock. You are straight up delusional. You keep mentioning that number 414. 414 days you've been WWE champion. That's incredible, incredible. The real number, it ain't 414, Jack. The real number that haunts your dreams is 20. 20 excuses running around your mind right now. 20 hairs standing up on your straight edge scrotum. Because you know— you know in 20 days you're gonna be defending that WWE championship against the Rock which means in 20 days you know, the Rock knows, they know, in 20 days time's up.
["Rocky! Rocky!"]
You wanted change, you wanted a revolution. You say that when you became WWE champion, you rejected the people. No, no, no, no. The people rejected you. You talked about change. You couldn't do it. You talked about revolution, you couldn't do it. You came out and you promised everybody ice cream bars. Ice cream bars for everybody! And you couldn't even do that. You couldn't provide ice cream if the Dairy Queen car fell and Cookie Puss drove an ice cream truck straight up your ass.
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