I Never Thought I Would Be Okay Hotel Books

I let intentions hold more power than actions
And that's why I fall asleep alone
I sit here idly, finding timely spacing and phrasing
While writing and scribing words of watered-down angst and heartbreak
While my spirit runs wildly
How I envy my free spirit
And how I envy what I was supposed to be

My heart inhabiting life's snaking lucid dreams
Liquid ambitions, secret fiction, and other seamless things
Packed in stitch, packed in a propaganda
To sell my friends on the statement that life holds meaning
And I can write about the life I'm living
But most often, it feels like I'm just writing
Not living
But that's never stopped me before

That's never stopped me before, so I continue writing
And seen that after love and learning so many things
I never wanted to know
And now I'm a self-taught professional at letting go
Accepting that only black and white in life is now grapevines
Wrapping around my mind and numbing me into falling in love
A sacred bond, now a cultural joke

Still trying to live but functioning enough to keep pushing
I wish I could finally inhale and exhale freely
But sometimes I need to choke
I need to be reminded that this is not another formulated system I've come upon in order to feel accepted
Or maybe it is