X-M@$ Corey Taylor

[Intro]
Ho ho ho ho!
(Coughing)
Jesus...

[Verse 1]
There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up with candy canes and balls
Those carollers have kept me up for hours
"It's Merry Christmas" — seeping through my walls
Now, I'm no wiccan commie nut or nothing
But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
It ain't Halloween, or Thanksgiving, or even April Fools
But it'll surely make a fool out of every man
Ha!

[Chorus]
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered, it ain't Hanukkah
And all you motherfuckers go to hell
If I ain't cock-eyed, it ain't Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of Jack & Cokes
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
'Cause I ain't ever anything but broke