The Coroner’s Footnote Half Man Half Biscuit

There’s a girl leaving town for the sunshine
She’s heading out to Happiness Bay
She’s going first thing in the morning
And hopes to be there by midday

Her flavoursome buck is awaiting
Laden with fraudulent charms
Enough for to plunge a doe such as she
Straight into his dastardly arms

But the tragedy lies in the background
For a young man by whom she’s adored
Is planning to throw himself under
The train she’s intending to board

Now the fates may look down and show mercy
And answer a poor mother’s call
And the service soon after departing
May stop for no reason at all

And the young girl may come to her senses
And the wretch may get tetchy and leave
And the chap wracked with anguish incarnate
May gladly accept his reprieve

But the fates around these parts are ruthless
And sometimes just want people dead
So he’ll probably throw himself under
The ten twenty-seven instead