330a (11 May 1869) [T. W. Higginson to ED] Emily Dickinson

Sometimes I take out your letters & verses, dear friend, and when I feel their strange power, it is not strange that I find it hard to write & that long months pass. I have the greatest desire to see you, always feeling that perhaps if I could once take you by the hand I might be something to you; but till then you only enshroud yourself in this fiery mist & I cannot reach you, but only rejoice in the rare sparkles of light. Every year I think that I will contrive somehow to go to Amherst & see you: but that is hard, for I often am obliged to go away for lecturing, &c & rarely can go for pleasure. I would gladly go to Boston, at any practicable time, to meet you. I am always the same toward you, & never relax my interest in what you send to me. I should like to hear from you very often, but feel always timid lest what I write should be badly aimed & miss that fine edge of thought which you bear. It would be so easy, I fear, to miss you. Still, you see, I try. I think if I could once see you & know that you are real, I might fare better. It brought you nearer even to know that you had an actual ? uncle, though I can hardly fancy any? two beings less alike than you &? him. But I have not seen him for several years, though I have seen a lady who once knew you, but could not tell me much.

It is hard for me to understand how you can live so alo]ne, with thoughts of such a quali]ty coming up in you & even the companionship of your dog withdrawn. Yet it isolates one anywhere to think beyond a certain point or have such luminous flashes as come to you - so perhaps the place does not make much difference.

You must come down to Boston sometimes? All ladies do. I wonder if it would be possible to lure you to the meetings on the 3d Monday of every month at Mrs. Sargent's 13 Chestnut St. at 10 am - when somebody reads a paper & others talk or listen. Next Monday Mr. Emerson reads & then at 3½ P.M. there is a meeting of the Woman's Club at 3 Tremont Place, where I read a paper on the Greek goddesses. That would be a good time for you to come although I should still rather have you on some day when I shall not be so much taken up - for my objects is to see you, more than to entertain you. I shall be in Boston also during anniversary week, June 25* & 28, - or will the Musical Festival in June tempt you down. You see I am in earnest. Or don't you need sea air in summer. Write & tell me something in prose or verse, & I will be less fastidious in future & willing to write clumsy things, rather than none.

                                                                                          Ever you friend

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* There is an extra meeting at Mrs. Sargent's that day & Mr. Weiss reads an essay. I have a right to invite you & you can merely ring & walk in.