The Lament of the Three-toed Sloth Tim Minchin

I used to be quite active in high school
Back when my metabolic rate was faster
I was always quite stocky
But I was pretty good at hockey
I avoided white bread, potatoes, and pasta

I used to be an average mammal
I was no Jessie Owens, but I wasn't John Candy
I was never that attractive
But I was reasonably active
I sure wasn't synonymous with "lazy"

I don't think I'm that apathetic
I'll admit, I'm not particularly ambitious
But the fact that on the ground
I don't break the speed of sound
Is typical of megalonychidae colipas

Oh, God, were you really being fair
When you named the land animals
And birds of the air?
Did you stop to think, "That's a bit rough
Naming that poor little fella a 'sloth'"?

Pigeon-holing should be left for pigeons
And frankly, I'm starting to get sick
Of being labelled by the number of my toes
And the fact that on the ground
I'm not that quick