​​tell June Henry

I hate feeling like this
Unspeakable anguish
The pit in my stomach
Never been so anxious
Applying the tinctures
And doing the spell-work
Tell myself I'm stronger
That I'm doing better

And I lie to my parents
I lie by omission
I lie to professors
And I stare at the ceiling
Say I'm 13 months sober
'Cause I changed definition
Now I'm begging on my knees
For just one more pen hit

And you've got a new boyfriend
He looks like your ex did
You made him a playlist
Songs I played when we kissed
It's hard to stomach
Guess he's just like heaven
The way you said I was
Before I stopped being spineless