My Friend John Ivor Novello

I've got a friend, his name is John
A regular sport, he's a perfect don
Whatever I do, it's a certainty
My friend John does the same as me

When we were kids we wore pink socks
Had chicken cough and whooping pox
I arranged to be born in '93
And my friend John did the same as me

Once I was bored and felt so blue
Hadn't a notion what to do
Thought I: "Now I'll go for a rare old spree."
And my friend John did the same as me

I thought as I wandered down the Strand
A music hall would be simply grand
Said I to myself, "I'll get in free."
And my friend John did the same as me

I saw an attendant in the hall
In uniform, capgold braid and all
So I told him that I was Beerbohm Tree
And my friend John did the same as me

They made me pay but I went inside
And a beautiful girl I quickly spied
I gave her the old glad eye, you see
And my friend John did the same as me