Todd the T1000 Jonathan Coulton

Sometimes I kind of miss the old XJ-9 that we used to call Jane
Really good at cleaning and we got along fine so I couldn't complain
Lately she'd been getting tangled up in the shag rug
And finally one wheel just wouldn't spin
So we said our goodbyes and I traded her in

This new one's kind of creepy, makes me shudder inside with his idiot grin
He's head to toe with muscles and they ripple and slide under translucent skin
Sometimes he'll stand for hours looking into the mirror
And flexing like some guy at the gym
And I'm easily ten inches shorter than him

Todd the T1000 scares me
I don't think he knows I've got a right to exist
And he sits in my favorite chair and dares me
And when I look over he is making a fist
One finger at a time

I ask him if he'll vacuum and he doesn't respond, but I know that he heard
I turn and catch him looking when he thinks that I'm gone and he flips me the bird
I asked him when we started, please stay out of the bedroom
But I don't think I'm safe anywhere
When I wake in the dark I can tell that he's there

Todd the T1000 scares me
I don't think he knows I've got a right to exist
And he sits in my favorite chair and dares me
And when I look over he is making a fist
One finger at a time