Trauma Rustage

[Verse]
If you’re a younger fan then I suggest you skip this track
I’ve danced around the subject but I’ve never been this blunt in rap
I’m kind of scared of sharing but it’s something that I need to make
A tale of my trauma and a tale of my mistakes
When it all started i was at a party been touched by a man that i didn’t know
I was a kid and then nobody liked me so I was surprised after every stroke
Didn’t resist and then after I felt kinda nice it was fine
I was like
“this is easy I don’t need a woman I might just continue and give this a go”
So next I’m online and I’m strolling through craigslist
I was too young so I lied ‘bout my age it’s
Clеar I was desperate was fuеled by self hatred
Next I was trading these photos I’m naked
Next thing I’m talking in ways that I shouldn’t be
They say that they want to meet up and then I agree
Thought I was smart at the peak of maturity
Fuck was I not I was stupid, I couldn’t see
I entered his house it was okay
Just gonna touch and then go away
I take off my clothes and he’s locking the door and I’m starting to panic, like no way
The force of his grab pushed me back as he slammed down my body
I couldn’t leave
I couldn’t leave, his weight there on top of me
Head in the bed so I couldn’t scream
I couldn’t scream
Blinded by pain I remember the blood and I couldn’t see
I couldn't see
The feeling of fear as it's driving inside and I couldn’t breath
I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t breath
Thought I was dead, Fuck, I couldn’t leave
The moment is carved in my memory
And so there wasn’t a day where it wouldn’t bleed
Felt like it went on for centuries
Ripped me apart so incessantly
A monster devoid of all empathy
But when he finished, exhausted he fell asleep
He locked every exit but one little window I think that he maybe forgot
I kept on thinking that I could’ve died if he didn’t leave that one unlocked
I was in shock
I didn’t want to tell anyone, I was embarrassed and lost
I was a child
Fuck, I was a child
What else could I possibly done?
I couldn’t run, I couldn’t sleep
It kept invading my dreams
It was a living hell
Blocked out my sense of smell
So I could have just a moment of peace
Crippled by PTSD
I could be triggered by so many things
But the internet made being triggered a meme
Kept it inside, I just wanted to scream
Tortured my mind and it just wouldn’t leave
Fucked up my school, fucked up my life
Fucked me right up, I would not go outside
Found myself wishing I could just be normal
No breaking down crying in bed every night