If Dirt Were Dollars Don Henley

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Walkin' like a millionaire
Smilin' like a king
He leaned his shopping cart against the wall
He said, "I been a lot of places
And I seen a lot of things
But, sonny, I seen one thing that beats 'em all

I was flyin' back from Lubbock
I saw Jesus on the plane
...or maybe it was Elvis
You know, they kinda look the same
Hey, look out, Junior, you're steppin' on my bed"
I said, "I don't see nothin"
He just glared at me and said

If dirt were dollars
If dirt were dollars
If dirt were dollars
I wouldn't worry anymore

Lookin' like a beauty queen
Loyal as a wife
She raised her little voice and testified
"I am a good girl
I've been one all my life"
But her virtue was as swollen as her pride