Nice Guys Loudon Wainwright III

I know a great set of train tracks and I'll gladly tie you to them, girl
I'll attempt to grow a moustache just to have something to twirl
I cater to them like nobody can I mean your masochistic tendencies
I'm the guy who can make you cry and if you want more you better say please

Every night I go home shirtless, I'm not wearing any underwear
Playing the horses and fooling with foxes, all cavalier and devil-may-care
I love to see that look on your face when all of your feelings get hurt
Let's face it, you like it, when I treat you like dirt because

Nice guys are a dime a dozen
You know what a dime is worth
I was born to be the villain in your life
That's why god put me here on earth

You say it takes two to tango; that goes for this relationship
Put on your beret, your black net hose; I'll get out my bullwhip
But I don't have to lay a hand on you to hurt you; I know how
Haven't you heard of the unkind word or the power of the arched eyebrow?

I must remind you of your old daddy or is it old Uncle Bill?
Why do you stay with a heel like me, baby? Haven't you had your fill?
I used to beat up on my little sister when she was just a kid
A guy like me, a Simon LeGree, is glad about the bad stuff he did because

Nice guys are a dime a dozen
You know what a dime is worth
I was born to be the villain in your life
That's why god put me here on earth