Sleestak Lightning Clutch

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I send pictures through the mail
Well documented and very detailed
To politicians and big celebrities
But none of them are believing in me
And I await their response
Some send none, most send cops
But man it’s a dire situation
And I will risk the public humiliation

Sleestak lightning on my trail
It’s a dire situation, they are on my trail

West Virginia has its Moth Man
Pan handlers’ got their Skunk Ape
But I have a tazer and night vision goggles
Costco rolls of black duct tape
It’s got red eyes, it’s got razor claws
It’s got green skin, no it ain’t a meth-head
And after studying its behavior, objectively and critically
I believe I have a reliable method

I send pictures through the mail
Well documented and very detailed
To politicians and big celebrities
But none of them are believing in me