People’s Court Ray Stevens

Hello, Judge Wapner, let us on that people's court
Hello, Judge Wapner, you're our court of last resort
Our marriage is up against the wall, want to get on TV and tell it all
Judge Wapner, let us on that people's court

Hello, is this Judge Wapner of people's court?
This here is Arlo Drukard of Arlo's one stop gas station
Beer, ice, bread, milk mini mart and all night video tape rental
Judge, what we got here is a marriage that's a regular catastrophe
That's right
Me and my wife, Myrna Louise, while once passionately in love
Now find that life has dealt us a cruel blow
Yes, sir
As we have matured, our tastes have changed
And we've grown apart intellectually, philosophically, politically
And in our recreational and culinary interests
And now fall along parallel lines which will never again intersect
What I mean judge is, I can't stand that woman
Incompatible? No, I just hate her guts!
'Bout the only thing we agree upon is to get on your show and fight this thing out
Now Myrna Louise's momma has even knitted us his and hers
Matching triple-knit leisure suits for the occasion

The Litigates are entering the courtroom
The plaintiff Arlo Drukard and the defendant, his wife Myrna Louise
Mr. Drukard is filing for divorce on the grounds that Myrna Louise
Has become an aerobics and health food nut who no longer shares
His life's interests of watching TV, eating large quantities of junk food and carp fishing