I Always Thought I Would Be Okay Hotel Books

I tried to capture my emotions on paper and I was told that I was misdirected
But maybe my mindset has just been infected by this pain-infested reappropriation
Of the comfort I've developed with negligence

'Cause part of my heart followed me when I finally moved out
But I still feel most connected to it when I go back home
She's now just a three-year memory of being addicted to caffeine
And praying I could tell her all the things I'd planned on saying

And the coffee stains in my journal are a reminder of when I pushed myself into depression
It's funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken

And the most sense I can make of this world
Has slowly transformed itself from being ink in my pen
To being the pain in my heart and my head
And I never to meant to write words
That would make people feel like crying
I just never wanted to write a single word where I was lying

And I have slowly tapped the brakes on working
And pushed my foot down on letting go
And somehow, I still don't know if this method is even working
I just pray that people can find hope in the stories that I'm telling

'Cause the things that got me focused on hope
Were her smile and that beautiful California weather
But now that the winter storms have had their way with my sunshine
I feel like I don't have anything left
I feel like I can't believe in power without that intoxicating reminder
That this could all be another thing I'm believing
Just because I'm sick of feeling empty and alone