Things to never forget (for better or for worse) Nicole Dollanganger

things to never forget (for better or for worse): the aftertaste of dessert flavoured vodka, matts sleepy morning smile, kids watching and cheering leigh on from trees while he skateboards at a gas station, cigarettes and their burns, the smell of a flooded basement, leigh’s guttural laugh (the best laugh in the world), stained acid washed jeans, gas station coffee, screaming for leigh and wandering down a busy interstate, sleeping 3 to a tiny bed, unforgivable fleece, dan saying something like “it could happеn to anyone!” or “well pardon me for bеing human!” when he does something embarrassing, liquor soaked jeans festering in the van corner, the man who gave us his dead fathers drum sticks and a crude pirate painting that spent the rest of the trip clacking against the wall, 50s songs, heart shaped sunglasses, the way leigh kissed the hanging skulls, 3 dollar bottles of wine, woody (and mr jones and all the other halloween trash we traveled alongside), lots of blood, communal sweaters, leigh’s eternal restlessness, drunk in a park midday, dan’s scowl (perpetual), watching leigh vehemently rolling down the manual window to screech something at a driver, christmas tasting pancake puppies, the way dan and leigh fist fight (and also hug each other), a motel tv clicker, spiders, fastening on dan’s choker every night, trevor discovering several cursed boxes, holding hands across the console, white sauce pasta, bebop (always our collective object of adoration), black docs hanging from the side of the door, cleaning up a busted forehead the best u can, beer cans, a gas station rose, picking off matts plate at dennys, coconut shampoo, glitter, leigh’s black eye, a night drive to chicago with my true love staying awake shotgun the whole ride (and feeding me bites of cold leftover broccoli), the very far and few between times where dan and i didn’t fight and hugged out the bad times, gross socks, cigarette holes put out on the floral bed sheets, falling asleep in the back between dan (sprawled obnoxiously) and leigh (curled up in corner), ceiling tiles, a broken bed frame, fake eyelashes, reading dans poetry while he writes on the road, cups full of gin, a desolate gas station with no road to get to, double flash photos, shirts tucked into pants and high black socks, passing on the right side, the exhaust leak, how we felt when we saw leigh at the first show (thank u rob), buying dan a bus ticket and crying abt the short loss it would mean, the last night drive home.