Gubba Look-a-Likes Half Man Half Biscuit

They come from underneath the stairs
Into my room but no-one cares
They’re on the bus and on the train
They’re knocking on my window pane
Oh Mother telephone the nurse
Can’t you see it’s getting worse
I close my eyes yet still it seems
Everybody in my dreams
Gubba look-a-likes
Gubba look-a-likes

I wake up screaming in the hall
I didn’t mean to wake at all
I run and lock the bathroom door
Turn on the taps and out they pour
Through all the villages and towns
A thousand sandy-coloured clowns
I try and escape down private drives
And then I reach the Readers’ Wives
Gubba look-a-likes
Gubba look-a-likes

In order to fling off this curse, I spend all day drinking in diverse taverns, with smarmy acrobats and balding senators. But after a while they too adopt the likeness, and begin to breed like town pigs
As a drunken lump I fall into a state of blissful unconsciousness, but the moment is fleeting, and I awake once more in despair – and in my final agonies believe myself lost

Gubba look-a-likes…