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​history of the entire world, i guess - Bill Wurtz
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​history of the entire world, i guess Bill Wurtz

​history of the entire world, i guess - Bill Wurtz
The camera opens on text that says, "Hi." As the NARRATOR continues to speak, we're shown a globe from Google Earth.

NARRATOR: Hi, you're on a rock floating in space. Pretty cool, huh? Some of it's water. Fuck it, actually, most of it's water. I can't even get from here to there without buying a boat.

A plane is shown flying from South America to Africa. The plane fades off the screen, and a lone, sad stick figure is shown standing on Africa.

NARRATOR: It's sad. I'm sad. I miss you.

The camera pans left across the globe to show more sad stick figures also standing on South America, North America, and Europe.

CHORUS: How did this happen?

NARRATOR: A long time ago- Actually, never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like I said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why it's been everywhere. It's been so everywhere, you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how "every" it gets.

A long pause happens.

NARRATOR: Forget this. I wanna be something. Go somewhere. Do something. I want things to change. I want to invent time and space, and I know it's possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. I just don't know when to start, and that's exactly where it started.

The sound of VCR fast forwarding plays.

NARRATOR: Ooh, I paused it. I think there's a universe now. What's it made of?

CHORUS: Quarks and stuff!

NARRATOR: Ah, that's a thing, in a place. Don't like it? Try a new place, at a different time. Try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier, but it's not empty yet. It's still very full and about a kjghpillion degrees.
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