[Bob Barlow (George Carlin)]
Hello, America! It's time to play Asshole, Jackoff, Scumbag!
Ladies and gentlemen:
This man is a rancher, he works for an oil company and he lives in Texas. Is he an asshole, a jackoff or a scumbag?
This man is a lawyer. He lives on Long Island and he's a US Congressman. Is he an asshole, a jackoff or a scumbag?
This man is a TV newscaster, he lives in the Midwest and he's a born again Christian. Is he an asshole, a jackoff or a scumbag?
We'll find out today as we play Asshole, Jackoff, Scumbag!
Well, hello everyone, I'm Bob Barlow and it's time for another session of Asshole, Jackoff, Scumbag. You've just met our three subjects for today, now let's meet our players. Two contestants who will try to determine from the clues we give them, whether our three subjects are...
Assholes, jackoffs or scumbags!
[Bob and Ethel Schwanz (Denny Dillon)]
First of all, our champion From Short Hairs, New Jersey. She's a mother of two and her hobby is sitting on the toilet until her legs fall asleep! Here is Ethel Schwanz!
How are you today, Ethel?
Not so good, Bob. I think I'm going to start my period
Well, that sounds interesting. What does your husband do?
My husband is dead, Bob. He was crushed in a folding couch accident
You have any little Schwanzes around the house?
Yes, I have been blessed with two wonderful sons. My oldest boy, Elliot, is involved in charity work. Every weekend, he takes a hundred senior citizens out to the country and leaves them there. And my youngest son, Jules, is currently attempting to be the first man to cross the Atlantic in a gas-filled douchebag
Well, that sounds very interesting, Ethel
[Bob and Eddie Donneker (Carlin)]
Let's meet your opponent. Your challenger is from Big Thighs, New York. A man whose job is recovering stolen religious articles. His hobby is calling up the Red Cross and telling them to go fuck themselves. Meet Eddie Donneker!
Hello, America! It's time to play Asshole, Jackoff, Scumbag!
Ladies and gentlemen:
This man is a rancher, he works for an oil company and he lives in Texas. Is he an asshole, a jackoff or a scumbag?
This man is a lawyer. He lives on Long Island and he's a US Congressman. Is he an asshole, a jackoff or a scumbag?
This man is a TV newscaster, he lives in the Midwest and he's a born again Christian. Is he an asshole, a jackoff or a scumbag?
We'll find out today as we play Asshole, Jackoff, Scumbag!
Well, hello everyone, I'm Bob Barlow and it's time for another session of Asshole, Jackoff, Scumbag. You've just met our three subjects for today, now let's meet our players. Two contestants who will try to determine from the clues we give them, whether our three subjects are...
Assholes, jackoffs or scumbags!
[Bob and Ethel Schwanz (Denny Dillon)]
First of all, our champion From Short Hairs, New Jersey. She's a mother of two and her hobby is sitting on the toilet until her legs fall asleep! Here is Ethel Schwanz!
How are you today, Ethel?
Not so good, Bob. I think I'm going to start my period
Well, that sounds interesting. What does your husband do?
My husband is dead, Bob. He was crushed in a folding couch accident
You have any little Schwanzes around the house?
Yes, I have been blessed with two wonderful sons. My oldest boy, Elliot, is involved in charity work. Every weekend, he takes a hundred senior citizens out to the country and leaves them there. And my youngest son, Jules, is currently attempting to be the first man to cross the Atlantic in a gas-filled douchebag
Well, that sounds very interesting, Ethel
[Bob and Eddie Donneker (Carlin)]
Let's meet your opponent. Your challenger is from Big Thighs, New York. A man whose job is recovering stolen religious articles. His hobby is calling up the Red Cross and telling them to go fuck themselves. Meet Eddie Donneker!
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