Zappa Frank
Joes Garage
Introduction
Desperate nerds in high offices all over the world have been known
To enact the most disgusting pieces of legislation in order to win
Votes (or, in places where they don't get to vote, to control
Unwanted forms of mass behavior)
Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and
Water...they were passed to get votes. Seasonal anti-smut campaigns
Are not conducted to rid our communities of moral rot...they are
Conducted to give an aura of saintliness to the office-seekers who
Demand them. If a few key phrases are thrown into any speech (as the
Expert advisors explain to these various heads of state) votes will
Roll in, bucks will roll in, and, most importantly, power will be
Maintained by the groovy guy (or gal) who gets the most media
Coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various
Businesses will do okay too
All governments perpetuate themselves through the daily commission
Of acts which a rational person might find to be stupid or dangerous
(or both). Naturally, our government is no exception...for instance
If the President (any one of them) went on TV and sat there with the
Flag in the background (or maybe a rustic scene on a little
Backdrop, plus the flag) and stared sincerely into the camera and
Told everybody that all energy problems and all inflationary
Problems had been traced to and could be solved by the abolition of
MUSIC, chances are that most people would believe him and think that
The illegalization of this obnoxious form of noise pollution would
Be a small price to pay for the chance to buy gas like the good ol'
Days. No way? Never happen? Records are made out of oil. All those
Big rock shows go from town to town in fuel gobbling 45 foot
Trucks...and when they get there, they use up enormous amounts of
Electrical energy with their lights, their amplifiers, their PA
Systems...their smoke machines. And all those synthesizers...look at
All the plastic they got in 'em...and the guitar picks...you name
It...
JOE'S GARAGE is a stupid story about how the government is going to
Try to do away with music (a prime cause of unwanted mass behavior)
It's sort of like a really cheap kind of high school play...the way
It might have been done 20 years ago, with all the sets made out of
Cardboard boxes and poster paint. It's also like those lectures that
Local narks used to give (where they show you a display of all the
Different ways you can get wasted, with the pills leading to the
Weed leading to the needle, etc., etc.)
If the plot of the story seems just a little bit preposterous, and
If the idea of The Central Scrutinizer enforcing laws that haven't
Been passed yet makes you giggle, just be glad you don't live in one
Of the cheerful little countries where, at this very moment, music
Is either severely restricted... or, as it is in Iran, totally
Illegal
Joes Garage
Introduction
Desperate nerds in high offices all over the world have been known
To enact the most disgusting pieces of legislation in order to win
Votes (or, in places where they don't get to vote, to control
Unwanted forms of mass behavior)
Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and
Water...they were passed to get votes. Seasonal anti-smut campaigns
Are not conducted to rid our communities of moral rot...they are
Conducted to give an aura of saintliness to the office-seekers who
Demand them. If a few key phrases are thrown into any speech (as the
Expert advisors explain to these various heads of state) votes will
Roll in, bucks will roll in, and, most importantly, power will be
Maintained by the groovy guy (or gal) who gets the most media
Coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various
Businesses will do okay too
All governments perpetuate themselves through the daily commission
Of acts which a rational person might find to be stupid or dangerous
(or both). Naturally, our government is no exception...for instance
If the President (any one of them) went on TV and sat there with the
Flag in the background (or maybe a rustic scene on a little
Backdrop, plus the flag) and stared sincerely into the camera and
Told everybody that all energy problems and all inflationary
Problems had been traced to and could be solved by the abolition of
MUSIC, chances are that most people would believe him and think that
The illegalization of this obnoxious form of noise pollution would
Be a small price to pay for the chance to buy gas like the good ol'
Days. No way? Never happen? Records are made out of oil. All those
Big rock shows go from town to town in fuel gobbling 45 foot
Trucks...and when they get there, they use up enormous amounts of
Electrical energy with their lights, their amplifiers, their PA
Systems...their smoke machines. And all those synthesizers...look at
All the plastic they got in 'em...and the guitar picks...you name
It...
JOE'S GARAGE is a stupid story about how the government is going to
Try to do away with music (a prime cause of unwanted mass behavior)
It's sort of like a really cheap kind of high school play...the way
It might have been done 20 years ago, with all the sets made out of
Cardboard boxes and poster paint. It's also like those lectures that
Local narks used to give (where they show you a display of all the
Different ways you can get wasted, with the pills leading to the
Weed leading to the needle, etc., etc.)
If the plot of the story seems just a little bit preposterous, and
If the idea of The Central Scrutinizer enforcing laws that haven't
Been passed yet makes you giggle, just be glad you don't live in one
Of the cheerful little countries where, at this very moment, music
Is either severely restricted... or, as it is in Iran, totally
Illegal
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