I Was Cool Elmer Gantry's Velvet Opera

I've always lived by this golden rule:
Whatever happens, do not blow your cool
You've gotta have nerves out of steel
Never let folks know how you honestly feel
I've lived my whole life this way
For example, take yesterday:
I breezed home happy, bringing her my pay
Her note read: "So long Elmer, I have run away."
I threw myself down across our empty bed
This is what I said:
Ooowww, oh nooooo…
But I was cool!

I went for a drink at a roadside bar
I got so stoned that I smashed up my car
The judge threw the book at me
And when I read the sentence there I said:
Oh no, man, you just can't do this to me…
But I was cool!

I said, she's the only one that I have to thank
So I found her and I took my gun and fired point-blank
The bullet whistled right on past that old woman's head
Killed my hound dog dead
Oooooh, oh no, not again…