I Have Been in You [Hammersmith Odeon] Frank Zappa

All right. It’s romance time ladies and gentlemen. This is our special song that goes out to all the ladies in the audience ‘cause God knows how you’ve suffered. That’s right! We understand these things oh yes, we in the world of rock ‘n roll with our infinite wisdom. All right look here: there was a record released not too long ago…oh shut up! Please shut up. Sounds like some sort of gas is coming out of your body, through your mouth. A record was released not too long ago bearing the title “I’m in You.” Now, when I…it’s coming out again. When I heard the title of this song I said, “is he kidding? This is soft core porn!” So I thought about it for a while and I just kind of…I let my mind drift away into those little zones that it goes when it drifts away. A lot of you crazy people in the audience know what I’m talking about. So I’m just sitting there thinking about “I’m in you;” that’s preposterous! So I imagine this story. Let’s pretend you’re a teenage girl. And as I said last night and I’ll say it again because I liked it, there’s probably some of you boys in the audience that want to pretend you’re teenage girls too and you can pretend also. And I also said last night and I’ll repeat it because it still stands true today: a lot of you older guys especially the ones that work for the government, this song is for you too. You can all pretend you’re a little teenage girl. Now let’s say that you have a real honest to goodness teenage bedroom. I mean this is not a fake teenage girl bedroom this is the real kind: it has a Jimi Hendrix poster on the wall. It has three flaming sticks of sandalwood incense. It has a small lamp with a red bulb in it…or maybe it’s a white bulb with a red kind of bleeding madras over it, ya know, just something to give your room that vibe, you know? Let’s say that you have, a teenage girl of today, have abducted the succulent pop star of your choice back to your teenage room. Yes it’s the big time: you didn’t go with him to the hotel; you made him come to your stinking little room. Poor sonofabitch must’ve been really hard up, you know? So anyway you got him in there and he takes his pop star clothing off. First, it’s the satin shirt with the tiny little burn holes in it from where the seeds fell on there. And then it’s the satin pants with the tiny little burn holes in it from where the seeds fell on there. Then of course it’s the ever popular feather boa which is cast aside over that little chair in the corner, you know that one with the green thing on the seat. Then he removes three of the four safety pins embedded in his face. He always likes to keep one for good luck, in case there’s somebody taking pictures for Melody Maker. He..he takes the one out of his eyebrow, the one from this cheek, and the one from this ear, leaves the one in his nose, takes these three safety pins and puts them on the dresser next to the bed. Now naturally you’re highly eroticized by all this and so you start removing your very own teenage girl type clothing. The brassiere, which is always a struggle; it’s a rough one isn’t it? These cheap brassieres can sometimes become wedged. So you finally get that off. He couldn’t really take your clothing off for you because you know a guy can only go so far for rock ‘n roll; you take your own goddamn clothes off, you know what I mean? So you get your little teenage brassiere off there, and you got your little teenage blouse off there, perhaps that little blanket you wear for the protest marches, you know, throw that off to the side. Take off your cot…your white cotton underpants with a little brown skid mark in it and stick them under the bed real fast before he sees what kind of underpants your wear because there’s no class to white cotton underpants. You know this is true. And then you lay ba- oh wait a minute I forgot the most important thing, you put on the Phoebe Snow album. Turn it real soft, you know. Then you lay back on your teenage bed, you put your teenage legs up in the air in the universal gesture of greeting…oops! I’m going too fast. You have to take three of the four safety pins embedded in various parts of your body out. You take the one from this part of your arm, the one from your other eyebrow, and the one from your lower lip, leaving the one that is attached to your uvula…that’s a good one. And then you take your three safety pins and then you put them next to his three safety pins on the dressing stand, and then, because you’re really falling in love, you have a little ceremony where you make two identical pyramids out of the six safety pins. And as the crescendo comes in the Phoebe Snow album you lay back, you get your legs up, he gets on top of you—he has to get on top of you, no other way now—and he’s right on top of you there, and the next thing you know he has his little pop star lips up next to your little teenage girl type ear, and you here this…this voice whispering in your ear, and it says: “I’m in you! I’m in you! I’m in you! I’m in you!” Well let’s remember one thing, boys and girls: you wanted him in there, didn’t you? And that’s where he went: he went right in there. And so we have this song that’s called “I Have Been in You.” This is for everybody who might…who might know how true that other story actually was

(band begins playing, singing background vocals)

Now wait just a minute. Wait a minute. This can't be right, that's too fast for a romantic song. It should be like, "Na, na na, na na:" slow it down a little bit. Okay. One and a two and a three and a four, hey!

I have been in you, baby
And you have been in me
And we have be so intimately entwined
And it sure was fine

I have been in you, baby
And you have been in me
And so you see we have be so together
I thought that we would never
Return from forever

You have been in me
And understandably
I have been in 'n' outta you (in 'n' outta you, in 'n' outta you)
And everywhere, you want me to (in 'n' outta yoooou)
You know it's true;

And while (I was inside)
I might have been (undignified)
And that is maybe (why you cried)
I don't know, Maybe so
But just remember now