Upside Backwards Viagra Boys

Met her at a hotel, somewhere up north
She asked if I was into new things, I said “Of course!”
So we went down to what she said was her home
Next thing you know I had something that looked like a cigarette
Hanging out the left corner of my mouth
And I asked her “Is this a normal cigarette?”
She’s like, she asked me “Don’t you feel it yet?”

I pondered on the question for a minute
I made a gesture with my hands to let her know I was into it
Then I was distracted by a strange white figure
Standing right behind me, breathing down my neck
I got a hot flash and sweat
She asked me once again “Don’t you feel it yet?”
And I, I said “Feel, feel what?”
And then I said something along the lines of

Ah!
Feels
Upside brain
Feel a little not alright
Sometimes when I think I’m okay
I hands down form the size a little, backwards!

Now two to three minutes later I looked down at my phone
And realized I had been there for two weeks
I stood up and told her “Its about time for me to leave”
She looked back at me and said “Is that something you truly believe?”
I looked down and was horrified to realize my legs had been replaced by four wooden pegs
I was in absolutely no pain
But I felt a little uncomfortable about how comfortable I now imagined it would be to sit down upon my body
And at that point it was obvious
I’d transformed into a piece of furniture
I tried to confront her
I opened my pillow and asked her “What the fuck was in that cigarette?!”
She looked back at me and asked “Do you feel it yet”