Weird Weird West Professor Elemental (Ft. Steam Powered Giraffe)

[DWAYNE]
Jethro, Jethro! Ya deaf old coot! You see what
Happened at the saloon? Damndest thing I ever saw! I
Ain’t never seen nothin’ like that! I couldn’t have been
More surprised if ma own mother turned out to be a
Raccoon in a hat. Jethro! Jethro – you gotta hear what
Happened at the saloon. Oh, my god!

[NARRATOR]
Yeah, I got a story to tell ya. A tale of the West
The weird weird West. Listen a spell, let me explain…
The stranger rode into town with no horse
No one knew what was stranger, his clothes or his walk
They supposed he was dangerous, and he showed
Them a painting
Of an ape in a suit that had ladies fainting
But this was no bar of barflies and snitches
These were men who pulled themselves up
By their britches
And women as tough as they were pretty
And as pretty as they were tough, and they were pretty
And if this stranger had tried anything funny
They’d have punched out his lights and taken his money
But he went to the bar and grabbed him a drink
He downed it, demanded more, but before
You could blink
The bar fell silent, an uneasy quiet
The stranger regretted that drink once he’d tried it
A shot of moonshine and rattlesnake venom
That belonged to Big Jake, who then drew his weapon