Draft Dodger Rag Kind of Like Spitting

[Intro]
You ready?

[Verse 1]
Well, I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodge
And in keepin' old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve
I knew "Better dead than red"
But when I got to my old draft board
Buddy, this is what I said

[Chorus]
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
And my asthma's gettin' worse
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant

[Verse 2]
I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
Well, I'd probably start to sneeze