Meanest Man Billy Bragg and Wilco

[Verse 1]
If the folks next door to me weren't so good
I'd do all the mean things anybody could
I'd drink and I'd gamble and I'd louse around
I'd be the meanest man in this whole town

[Verse 2]
If I hadn't seen the light in that old lady's eyes
I'd try to be a man you would hate and despise
I'd rave and I'd rant and I'd scream and yell
And I'd chase my neighbors from here to hell

[Verse 3]
If I hadn't heard those kids laugh playing games
I'd have nervous fits, I'd go insane
I'd turpentine cats and tin can dogs
I'd smother people to death inside of hollow logs

[Verse 4]
If the people around me wasn't so nice
I'd freeze my heart into a cake of ice
Steal money from soldiers and working folks too
I'd lend you a dollar and take back two

[Verse 5]
If my wife didn't kiss me the way she does
I'd carry four or five daggers and three or four guns
I'd shoot craps and ramble and hang out late
I'd steal baby buggies and Cadillac Eights