Baltimore Audra McDonald

When my mother told me
"Don't forget your rain boots when it's wet"
I listened up just like a good, good little girl
And when she prudently suggested
I should lose the cigarette
I knew that bit of wisdom was a pearl
But in all of the advice that I collected through the years
I admit to you with trepidatious dread
Unfortunately there was some
That whizzed right through my ears
Oh where, where was my mind when mother said:

Avoid naval-contemplating, floppy-haired actors
Originally from Baltimore
Who excel at mime, still play Stratego
And have issues with their mom
Sure, at first, they're very charming
Their attention is disarming
But give attention in return and, dear
They'll drop you like a bomb
Yes, do avoid REO-Speedwagon-loving
Christopher-Walken-imitating thespians
Originally from Baltimore
Who can't piss unless their shrink says it's okay
Why let them break your heart, dear?
Put your head on and be smart, dear
Put some bug spray on and make them go away