My Outstretched Arms Half Man Half Biscuit

I asked her to meet me outside the town hall
I had in my pocket a ring
I’d base-layered up, with the temperature being
Way below average for spring

But she’d read the timetable like I’d read her mind
And when she was late to arrive
My outstretched arms were at quarter to three
And hers were at five forty-five

Biding my time in the hope she’d defrost
I busied myself at the gym
Barbells were raised, and biceps were praised
At length I was filled with the vim

On a cottage near Thwaite a deposit was placed
Believing I’d still win her heart
To sacrifice sanity thinking such things
I must have been mad from the start

Now I’ve accepted her love lies elsewhere
I spend all my time in arcades
I saw her today outside the town hall
And I pondered how pointless these shades

For the radiance of her immortal beauty
This mortal frame can’t endure
My outstretched arms were at quarter to three
As I lay prostrate on the floor