Vending Machine Of Love The Stupendium

[Intro, spoken]
This is a song about soft drinks, and nothing else
Get your mind out of the gutter

[Verse 1]
Hey guys, are your lips dry?
Any desiccated ladies trying to get by?
I know the best way for the girls and the boys to
Come together and enjoy a little moisture
So you’re waiting on the mate that’s one-a-million?
And carbonation ain’t the way that you envisioned
You say it’s strange but baby shed your inhibitions
And let your date slip into something aluminium
She’s elegant and eloquent and so effervescent
Subtle bubbles in my stubble feeling ever so pleasant
Never thought I’d find a girl with such a delicate essence
Free with the meal deal at the delicatessen
Saw you sittin’ in the fridge with a twinkle
Are you a multipack can or are you single?
A little sipping and a spritz isn’t sinful
I’m just finna get my finger in your ring pull

[Chorus]
So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx that you’ve been dreaming of
If you’re cursed with the thirst of a lonely man
You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans
Every glamorous can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil
Get lost in the froth as the foam expands
Get your lovin’ whilst you’re gluggin’ on some OnlyCans