Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride Half Man Half Biscuit

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It was a natural state of affairs
It was a quiet ambition of hers
She had a room overlooking the lawn
It was a perfect August morn
And with a crossword clue in her head
‘Origin of Species’ read
King James’ under the bed

No broken bones, no gaping wound
About 10 centimetres wide
No sword protruding from her side
It’s just like Dr Forbes implied
Old age killed my teenage bride

She didn’t care for adrenaline sports
Never learned any difficult chords
Did she ever have a scrap with a bear?
If she did, I wasn’t there
And yesterday at a hundred and one
She had a shower, cup of tea and a scone
And just as ‘Cash In The Attic’ came on

Such sweet delight upon her face
No armed response team stood outside
No torso washed up on the tide
It could not be more cut and dried
Old age killed my teenage bride