Dog Treat Tom Waits

Thanks, uh... You know uh, this is weird uh...
Most of us have dogs, all right?
I don't know if it's a local thing where I live, or if it's everywhere, and I'm checking it with you because uh, I don't get in the area that often and I'm just checking to see if...
There's a new kind of a dog treat. And uh (where I live) and they're available in the pet store and for the longest time I just thought that it was some kind of a prank. Or uh...
I wasn't really sure what it was, until I read the label on the back and it said "Bull Penis"
I was a little shocked! I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world
You can get a whale's pancreas if you'd want one! I can get you one!
But com'on, a bull's penis! How busy they were their whole lives
And they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack!
Now, are they available here in the Los Angeles area? They are, aren't they?
Doesn't that make you a little weazy?
Makes you wanna live a long time
And on the back, on the bottom it said: "100% natural"!
I mean... that's the part that really got me. And it said: "A Real Meat Snack"
There's just no dignity in that. Uh, anyway...
The other thing is that they're 36 inches long!
They're so long they had to cut them into bite-size portions
And then they take two of them and braid them together
I know, I know! I never want it done. But uh...
This is a song written for Gregory Peck for his dating my mom...
That's a lie!