Can’t Teach This The Stupendium

[Intro, spoken]
A notice to all Musicality students, Professor Stupendium's lecture on awkward white middle-class hip-hop and its use as a promotional tool will be starting in the lecture hall shortly
Thank you!

[Verse 1]
Welcome, students, to Two Point U!
This campus we've established to point you
Down the path of academia and viewpoints new
And there's a chance that you will leave here as employed too
We're certain that the circumstance could use a little pomp
With learning you can turn your hand, just choose thе skill you want
The young mind needs a-moulding, and we do it with aplomb
Though no one еver specified just what to mould it from...

Every course, of course, has been meticulously planned
Though standard Maths and Science is particularly bland
So, pick from our curriculum of kitchens, crypts and bands
You won't find a diploma simply digging in the sand!

[Interlude 1, spoken]
What's that... Oh they will? Ah, Archaeology, right, yes, we do teach Archaeology…
In that case, you might want to start digging for that diploma now, before it starts to compost

Would the teacher's pet please report to the nurse for microchipping and deworming
Thank you!