[South Park Elementary]
A group of kids are on stage.
South Park Kids: [Singing]We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Stan steps out from offstage.
Stan: Lights please.
The lights dim, leaving Stan in the spot light.
And there were, in the same country, shepards abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And loh the angel of the lord came upon them, and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them, "fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of great joy. For born unto you this day in the Sea of ... David is a saviour. Tis Christ the Lord. Glory to God in the highest, and honor with peace, good will towards men." And now South Park Elementary presents: "The Birth of Jesus."
The curtain opens, revealing a Nativity Scene
Wendy[as the Virgin Mary] is breathing and panting as though in labor.
Kyle: [As Joseph]Come on Mary, push!
Wendy: Ah!
Kyle: I can see its head!
Wendy: Ahhhhh!
[Pop]
Kyle catches baby Jesus and grasps it by the head.
Kyle: It's a boy.
Cartman: [One of the 3 wise men]Ohhhh.
Kenny: [An angel above the scene]Mrmmrmrphrmr.
Mr. Garrison is off stage directing the play.
Mr. Garrison: Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. Kyle, what the hell was that? You need to hold the baby by the legs, not by the head. What kind of sick weirdo are you?
Kyle: Sorry.
Mr. Garrison: And Wendy, I'm still not believing the labor pains.
Wendy: Ok.
Sheila: Mr. Garrison, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Mr. Garrison: Well, I'm trying to direct the school Christmas Play, but your son was holding baby Jesus fetus by the head.
Sheila: How dare you include the Nativity in a school play! Don't you realize my son is Jewish?!?
A group of kids are on stage.
South Park Kids: [Singing]We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Stan steps out from offstage.
Stan: Lights please.
The lights dim, leaving Stan in the spot light.
And there were, in the same country, shepards abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And loh the angel of the lord came upon them, and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them, "fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of great joy. For born unto you this day in the Sea of ... David is a saviour. Tis Christ the Lord. Glory to God in the highest, and honor with peace, good will towards men." And now South Park Elementary presents: "The Birth of Jesus."
The curtain opens, revealing a Nativity Scene
Wendy[as the Virgin Mary] is breathing and panting as though in labor.
Kyle: [As Joseph]Come on Mary, push!
Wendy: Ah!
Kyle: I can see its head!
Wendy: Ahhhhh!
[Pop]
Kyle catches baby Jesus and grasps it by the head.
Kyle: It's a boy.
Cartman: [One of the 3 wise men]Ohhhh.
Kenny: [An angel above the scene]Mrmmrmrphrmr.
Mr. Garrison is off stage directing the play.
Mr. Garrison: Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. Kyle, what the hell was that? You need to hold the baby by the legs, not by the head. What kind of sick weirdo are you?
Kyle: Sorry.
Mr. Garrison: And Wendy, I'm still not believing the labor pains.
Wendy: Ok.
Sheila: Mr. Garrison, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Mr. Garrison: Well, I'm trying to direct the school Christmas Play, but your son was holding baby Jesus fetus by the head.
Sheila: How dare you include the Nativity in a school play! Don't you realize my son is Jewish?!?
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