Shipping Forecast The Longest Johns

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And now the shipping forecast, issued by the Met Office on behalf of the Maritime and Coastguard Agency at 17:00 hours today.

North Utsire, South Utsire, Forties, Cromarty, northwesterly 5 to 7, occasionally gale 8, backing southwesterly and decreasing 3 for a time. Rain later, moderate becoming good.

Humber, Shannon, northeasterly 6, good, growing steadily, becoming 7. Happy birthday.

Tyne, Thames, Forth, little bit, muchly, 32 long, size 8, becoming smart later.

Dogger, Fisher, Dover, I hardly knew her.

Viking, arriving soon, leaving later with your wife.

Fair Isle, Faeroes, pyramid, sphinx.

Biscay, Fastnet, dial-up, broadband.

Lundy, mardi, mercredi.

Plymouth, no.

German Bight, watch out for that.

Portland, Fitzroy, moving forward, 22 yards, touchdown.

Irish Sea, Irish do, Baileys, Hebrides.