Asparagus Next Left Half Man Half Biscuit

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We've just been performing a guerrilla gig
In the middle of another group's guerrilla gig
Well surely that's the ultimate guerrilla gig
But still they cried like girls

Road signs on our country lanes
May not be what they seem
"Asparagus Next Left" – who says?
I've been upstream
Going down there for plum tomatoes
That's not a good idea
For "Horse Manure 200 Yards"
Read bottomless perdition

When the club-versus-country dispute arose
Small children were trampled in the exodus
We all knew someone at primary school
Who had a very powerful magnet

"This-a-way For New Potatoes"
An arrow points innocently
Dirt track to a darker place
That's what it says to me
"Last Chance For Hanging Baskets"
They're even giving you clues!
"Fresh Broad Beans and Aubergines"
Euphemisms, Audrey, euphemisms!