[Verse 1: Stewie & Brian]
Now, everybody gather round and listen if you would
When I tell you every person needs a way of feeling good
Every kitty needs a ball of string and every dog a stick
But all you need is a bag of weed to really get a kick

[Bridge: Ensemble]
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight!

[Chorus: Ensemble & Stewie]
A bag o' weed, a bag o' weed
Oh, everything is better with a bag o' weed
It's the only help that you'll ever need
Because everything is better with a bag o' weed!
There you go, you're all getting it now

[Interlude: Ensemble & Stewie]
When Texas people wanna feel good
They go assault a queer
When stupid people need a thrill
They rent The Rocketeer
When Michael Jackson needs a rush
He humps a guy like me
Right!
But all we need is a bag o' weed to keep us worry free
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