Performed by Adam Sandler and Kevin
(typing sounds)
Dr. Stewart: Hi, (I'm) Dr. Stewart
Gary Phelps: Hi, Dr. Stewart. Nice to meet you -- I'm Gary Phelps
Dr. Stewart: My pleasure. Gary, have you ever been hypnotized before?
Gary Phelps: No, I haven't. I'm actually quite nervous, but I just, uh, I --
Dr. Stewart: All right, and you were referred to me by anyone...?
Gary Phelps: To be honest with you, I saw your name in the Yellow Pages, and It said you're good at this stuff, so I just, I gotta give it a shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing...
Dr. Stewart: So smoking is your problem?
Gary Phelps: Yeah, I can't stop smoking and it's -- it's finally, like, affecting everything I do, I can't run, I can't play basketball and all that stuff like that, so I, I gotta give it up
Dr. Stewart: How long have you smoked, Gary?
Gary Phelps: Uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and I just can't kick it, you know?
Dr. Stewart: Yeah, right. (small, barely noticeable fart) All right, Gary, why don't you just have a seat here and sit down and just relax -- what I do is hypnosis
Gary Phelps: Right
Dr. Stewart: Basically I just want you to sit back and relax -- let yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and , um, just feel comfortable and trust me
(bigger fart)
Gary Phelps: (noticing fart sound) Uh...
Dr. Stewart: That's it
Gary Phelps: O-kay....
Dr. Stewart: That's it
Gary Phelps: That was...o-kay...
Dr. Stewart: All right? Okay. Gary, I want you to close your eyes, and I just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing. Okay? That's it. Now I'm gonna count backwards from five to zero --
Gary Phelps: Right
Dr. Stewart: -- and I just want you to relax, and you're going to fall into a deep state of mind -- of subconsciousness -- you're very comfortable, I'll be counting back from five, I just want you to relax, and just think of nothing
(three farts in succession)
Gary Phelps: Are you gonna keep doing that, or...?
Dr. Stewart: Hmm? Just concentrate now. That's it. Close your eyes. Keep your eyes closed. Okay. Now. We're very comfortable. Five (small fart), we're thinking of nothing except being comfortable and nothing's bothering us. Okay. When I say the word "relax," listen to me, you're sinking, you're sinking, (medium fart)
Gary Phelps: Oh my god...that was, uh....are you gonna keep doing that?
Dr. Stewart: Please just try to relax; that wasn't me. Okay. You're very stressed -- you're very stressed. Okay, four, we're relaxing, we're relaxing, you're very comfortable, you're very, very soothed. Okay. Four, three...(fart)
Gary Phelps: Oh my dear god, sir...uh, I can't...
Dr. Stewart: That was the couch. I know it sounded like -- it's -- the vinyl -- it's a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate. Okay. And we're very sleepy, we're relaxed, thinking nothing bothers us, nothing bothers us -- (several farts)
Gary Phelps: Uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe? I'm just having a tough time concentrating --
Dr. Stewart: Hmm? Here we go -- there, there, we're relaxing, we're relaxing (fart and cough together) three, two, two --
Gary Phelps: I was just going to ask you if you could maybe stop doing that. I can't concentrate when you're doing that
Dr. Stewart: This is what I do. It's a counting-down thing. We're relaxing now. Just relax -- let it go, don't focus on anything else, just concentrate on what we're doing here. Three, two, relax, relax, that's it, just relax (fart), we're relaxing now --
Gary Phelps: Okay -- you're gonna -- that one was -- it's getting a little irritating --
Dr. Stewart: Hang on just a second here. Let me just step out a second here
Gary Phelps: That'd be good
Dr. Stewart: All right, and we're relaxing, as I leave, we're relaxing, still relaxing
(fart in the distance)
Gary Phelps: Jesus...Oh my God
Dr. Stewart: We're relaxing
Gary Phelps: (trying hard not to laugh)
Dr. Stewart: Okay, I'm back, we're relaxing, and we're counting down, we're to two, and all we're thinking about is healthy, fresh air. Freshness. Breathing in. Breathing in deep, letting out. (fart)
Gary Phelps: Sir, I'd appreciate if you could stop 'letting it out'. But okay, okay, fine, thank you
Dr. Stewart: That's it, you're all right, everything's good. All right, you feel very comfortable, you're sinking into the chair, we're relaxing, one (long fart), and we're coming down to zero and --
Gary Phelps: Oh my god, uh...yes, all right, it was nothing...
Dr. Stewart: No, no, that time that was you
Gary Phelps: That wasn't me!
(typing sounds)
Dr. Stewart: Hi, (I'm) Dr. Stewart
Gary Phelps: Hi, Dr. Stewart. Nice to meet you -- I'm Gary Phelps
Dr. Stewart: My pleasure. Gary, have you ever been hypnotized before?
Gary Phelps: No, I haven't. I'm actually quite nervous, but I just, uh, I --
Dr. Stewart: All right, and you were referred to me by anyone...?
Gary Phelps: To be honest with you, I saw your name in the Yellow Pages, and It said you're good at this stuff, so I just, I gotta give it a shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing...
Dr. Stewart: So smoking is your problem?
Gary Phelps: Yeah, I can't stop smoking and it's -- it's finally, like, affecting everything I do, I can't run, I can't play basketball and all that stuff like that, so I, I gotta give it up
Dr. Stewart: How long have you smoked, Gary?
Gary Phelps: Uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and I just can't kick it, you know?
Dr. Stewart: Yeah, right. (small, barely noticeable fart) All right, Gary, why don't you just have a seat here and sit down and just relax -- what I do is hypnosis
Gary Phelps: Right
Dr. Stewart: Basically I just want you to sit back and relax -- let yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and , um, just feel comfortable and trust me
(bigger fart)
Gary Phelps: (noticing fart sound) Uh...
Dr. Stewart: That's it
Gary Phelps: O-kay....
Dr. Stewart: That's it
Gary Phelps: That was...o-kay...
Dr. Stewart: All right? Okay. Gary, I want you to close your eyes, and I just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing. Okay? That's it. Now I'm gonna count backwards from five to zero --
Gary Phelps: Right
Dr. Stewart: -- and I just want you to relax, and you're going to fall into a deep state of mind -- of subconsciousness -- you're very comfortable, I'll be counting back from five, I just want you to relax, and just think of nothing
(three farts in succession)
Gary Phelps: Are you gonna keep doing that, or...?
Dr. Stewart: Hmm? Just concentrate now. That's it. Close your eyes. Keep your eyes closed. Okay. Now. We're very comfortable. Five (small fart), we're thinking of nothing except being comfortable and nothing's bothering us. Okay. When I say the word "relax," listen to me, you're sinking, you're sinking, (medium fart)
Gary Phelps: Oh my god...that was, uh....are you gonna keep doing that?
Dr. Stewart: Please just try to relax; that wasn't me. Okay. You're very stressed -- you're very stressed. Okay, four, we're relaxing, we're relaxing, you're very comfortable, you're very, very soothed. Okay. Four, three...(fart)
Gary Phelps: Oh my dear god, sir...uh, I can't...
Dr. Stewart: That was the couch. I know it sounded like -- it's -- the vinyl -- it's a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate. Okay. And we're very sleepy, we're relaxed, thinking nothing bothers us, nothing bothers us -- (several farts)
Gary Phelps: Uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe? I'm just having a tough time concentrating --
Dr. Stewart: Hmm? Here we go -- there, there, we're relaxing, we're relaxing (fart and cough together) three, two, two --
Gary Phelps: I was just going to ask you if you could maybe stop doing that. I can't concentrate when you're doing that
Dr. Stewart: This is what I do. It's a counting-down thing. We're relaxing now. Just relax -- let it go, don't focus on anything else, just concentrate on what we're doing here. Three, two, relax, relax, that's it, just relax (fart), we're relaxing now --
Gary Phelps: Okay -- you're gonna -- that one was -- it's getting a little irritating --
Dr. Stewart: Hang on just a second here. Let me just step out a second here
Gary Phelps: That'd be good
Dr. Stewart: All right, and we're relaxing, as I leave, we're relaxing, still relaxing
(fart in the distance)
Gary Phelps: Jesus...Oh my God
Dr. Stewart: We're relaxing
Gary Phelps: (trying hard not to laugh)
Dr. Stewart: Okay, I'm back, we're relaxing, and we're counting down, we're to two, and all we're thinking about is healthy, fresh air. Freshness. Breathing in. Breathing in deep, letting out. (fart)
Gary Phelps: Sir, I'd appreciate if you could stop 'letting it out'. But okay, okay, fine, thank you
Dr. Stewart: That's it, you're all right, everything's good. All right, you feel very comfortable, you're sinking into the chair, we're relaxing, one (long fart), and we're coming down to zero and --
Gary Phelps: Oh my god, uh...yes, all right, it was nothing...
Dr. Stewart: No, no, that time that was you
Gary Phelps: That wasn't me!
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