[Verse 1: Ethan Edenburg, Tom McGovern, both]
I can beat every level in Mario
I can make you scrambled eggs
I can quote every line in Jumanji
I can open the fridge with my legs
I know how to go to the grocery store
Without using GPS
I learned how to juggle on YouTube
But there's something I gotta get off my chest
[Pre-Chorus: Tom McGovern, Ethan Edenburg]
I don’t know how to do my taxes
I stash my cash in a mattress
Don't know how to change a tire
That's why I take the bus
I don’t know how to use a drill
I gotta ask my neighbor Phil
To help me hang a picture
'Cause I'm stupid and I suck
[Chorus: Tom McGovern with Ethan Edenburg & Eric Jackowitz]
I could learn all of these skills
But I doubt I ever will
My dad is ashamed of me
'cause I just turned 33
I can beat every level in Mario
I can make you scrambled eggs
I can quote every line in Jumanji
I can open the fridge with my legs
I know how to go to the grocery store
Without using GPS
I learned how to juggle on YouTube
But there's something I gotta get off my chest
[Pre-Chorus: Tom McGovern, Ethan Edenburg]
I don’t know how to do my taxes
I stash my cash in a mattress
Don't know how to change a tire
That's why I take the bus
I don’t know how to use a drill
I gotta ask my neighbor Phil
To help me hang a picture
'Cause I'm stupid and I suck
[Chorus: Tom McGovern with Ethan Edenburg & Eric Jackowitz]
I could learn all of these skills
But I doubt I ever will
My dad is ashamed of me
'cause I just turned 33
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